Dear Coach...
   
   With Tom Foley

Dear Coach:

I'm organized and meticulous about product development and marketing. My problem is with other people. They show me no respect&emdash;they're late to meetings, disorganized, and often rude. How can I expect to be successful if I have to deal with such losers?

David--Houston, TX

Dear David:

Let me "cut to the chase" on this question. The focus of your attention is on the behavior of "other people," which obviously creates a tremendous amount of frustration for you. However, the simple truth is: YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE DO. The only person you have control over is yourself.

The problems you describe are, unfortunately, quite common. Some people are chronically late, others are very disorganized, and a few are downright rude. Keep in mind that these aren't just business-related problems. In fact, you've probably met people with similar behaviors in your personal life as well. What you're experiencing, you see, is part of human nature.

The trick is to be able to handle these experiences without letting them defeat you. In other words, don't take it personally!

One thing that's clearly blocking your progress relates to your beliefs about how other people SHOULD behave. Unfortunately, how you think they should be is drastically different from how they really are. People develop their personality traits and behavior patterns over a long period of time. And because these are so ingrained, they are very difficult to change.

Just think about a time when you tried to change something about yourself. Not an easy task! Although people have the potential to change their behavior over time (given enough motivation, persistence, and effort), the chances are greater that they won't change in the short term.

And let's face it--you're dealing with the short-term here. Thus, you have to find a way to work with some difficult people in a way that gets you what you want yet preserves your sanity in the process.

First of all, focus on what you want to achieve&emdash;not on what others are doing or not doing. Attending to all the annoyances you're faced with will only distract you from your goals and drain your energy via anger and frustration. Instead, find a way to work with the situation. Let me use an analogy to demonstrate my point.

Pretend you're in a canoe, peacefully floating down a river. All of a sudden you come upon a big rock that blocks your path. One choice you could make in this situation is to curse the rock and complain that it shouldn't be there. However, the rock probably won't move for you, and the result will be that you won't get to your destination.

Or you can make a different decision--like following the current and steering around the rock. You might even have to take the canoe out of the water and carry it around the rock. In either case, you'll enable yourself to move forward.

Don't assume that other people will think, act, or see things the same way you do. A book you may find helpful is titled, DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE by Rick Brinkman. It discusses different types of difficult behavior people and explains how to manage each one more effectively.

Keep in mind that you have a product to market, and you can't afford to become upset with everyone who doesn't meet your expectations. This book provides the reader with information about handling difficult behavior without alienating the people whose help you need to succeed. Good luck!

Tom

Tom Foley is a personal coach, seminar leader, and licensed clinical psychologist who has shared the concepts of "coaching" with hundreds of people. This background, coupled with his former career as a professional musician, has allowed him to utilize his creative spirit to help people achieve their goals and pursue their life dreams. He works with people from a variety of backgrounds, including artists, writers, people in transition, and entrepreneurs.

Coaching, which is conducted by telephone, is an extremely convenient process, and Tom's fee options make it affordable for most people. For information about personal coaching sessions, classes or workshops, call Tom at (425) 482-3022 or visit his website: http://www.angelfire.com/ca/LifeQuest. Questions for the "Dear Coach" column may be sent to him via email: indialogue@aol.com